what does it feel like?
It’s nausea, lying in wait just to the left of my brain. Its there, I can feel the cold fingers peppering me before the feast – but I twist and squirm against it . As if i have a choice.
Its physical illness, and it terrifies my core. Turned away, curled inward as a fetus,
I see only it’s shadow – like catching my abuser as they stand over me – too stunned and scared to turn or run. I’m static under it’s violent gaze and i will suffer a haunted life in consequence.
It feels like hopelessness and desperation.
It feels like coming down off a drug, scared and dilated and cold. It feels like a heart, a mind, a life …all thumbed down into nothing but a brief Depression on the surface of life – an unfortunate imperfection.