i find myself thinking about what it is that keeps us here. Why, when we are bleeding out, in constant battle without armour, without an army … without strength…. Why do I keep going? Keep dragging my feet through the trenches, spitting the copper shards from my mouth. The bitter taste of loss.
I once thought it was love. Love keeps you alive, you know the cliché. Now though…. i think it is being loved. No matter by who , or from who, or how much, almost everyone experiences love from someone in their lives. Some more than others,…
that is our chains. That is what secures us to this earth. No man is an island, and as people embrace us and see our souls, we are bound by invisible chains to keep that soul alive. In some sense of the word.
as I wrote in a piece of mine….
She by no means thought of herself as someone special that deserves a song to heal her, she was no one special at all. She felt bitter that her mother and her sister and her father were predisposed to love her unconditionally – she was not worth such love from such bruised and brave hearts! Set them free from me, she begged, they would be so much better without me to weigh them down, they could fly. But as she had found after numerous dark nights, sitting with razors or codeine in her hands, contemplating the bliss of the End, there was nothing she could do to make them stop loving her, and in consequence, she could not leave without breaking their hearts. Suicide was selfish, the only people with entitlement to make such a decision for themselves is those alone in the world, those lost souls who are few and far between, who truly have no one to love them. So, regretfully and utterly defeated she put the pills back in the drawer, the razors back under the bed and cried so loud as to smother the screaming in her head.
as much as I fight it, I am thankful that I am loved. I am thankful for the chains. Even when they feel to heavy to bear.
Because somewhere, deep inside, I know I am not ready to leave.
The chains, are my weapons.
Weapons to stay the fuck alive.