what does it mean to actually hit Ground Zero?
For many people I guess it means – unhappiness. Utter unhappiness. When all the little elements that fit together to create the chemical reaction that is their life – family, relationships, work – fail. When nothing makes them happy anymore. When they have lost everything.
When I hear the word ground zero it makes me think of the Twin towers that tumbled to the ground – literally and symbolic of an all time low, for the lives lost and for the American sense of security.
I think of business men who stray from their wives and lose their kids and business in a messy divorce settlement. The aftermath – them sitting penniless, loveless in a run down bar drinking rack bourbon, terrorizing himself with memories of shots of top shelf whisky from the penthouse mini bar – that is his ground zero.
Maybe that is what it is? When someone’s life is terrorized – causing them to lose beyond measure and end up a heap of rubble, without a hope of resurrection in sight. The instruments to the failure – whether that be the Taliban or sexual dissatisfaction, drugs, disabling children …. they are all unwanted factors that gradually work within, then reek havoc when they come out all guns blazing.
and leave nothing but devastation. And guilt. Knowing, impenetrable guilt.
But how can one judge where this ground zero is when the surroundings keep changing? what is level? what I once thought was my own ground zero I hit, then passed, further down, and continue falling toward what never gets any closer.
Is that my ground Zero – way down there, where I will never reach – rather live in constant flight toward it – knowing that the eventual impact will be my end?
Or have I hit it? Long passed and long unseen – yet failed to fight the terror. Choosing to pretend it never happened, pretend that where I am going is not so underground and dark.
And what happens once you do pass it?
what ground comes after that?
Maybe Hell is beneath us after all, and if the ground zero is not used to construct something new and promising – Hell is where you end up. Not an after life – but Hell on earth.
I’m satisfied with this assumption – for I feel the heat of flames. I taste blood in my mouth and I feel Like I have broken every bone in my body falling through what was intended to be Ground Zero. Thus I can reason my evil behaviours – my selfishness, my heartless vigor for self-destruction. I am now a puppet – wandering the pits of Hell, bowing my head to the darkness. And more than ever I Fear Hell is not something that ends with Death. But is infinite. Without escape.