Cogito ergo doleo – I think therefore I am depressed.
I love this, the truth is undeniable, at least for me. I have often thought if only I had a more simple mind, a more narrow perspective on the world around me, I would not be so unhappy. It seems like there are different levels of exploration available to the human mind – explore the real, tangible, credible stuff that stands in front of you. The cities, people, materials. There is still heart ache and despair readily available in this, however there are cures too, ways of working through it, things to hold onto to make things better and move on.
Then there is exploration on a whole different scale. A level that I have found to be dangerous and full of questions without answers. I believe that it is people who can discover this part of their mind and use it become great people – people who make discoveries, and create great art, and produce the wolds philosophical roots. Think of Shakespeare and Walt Whitman, Albert Einstein and Martin Luther king – the artist who paint things we are not meant to understand at a glance, the poetry that surpasses comprehension and has to be studied in universities, with lecturers that dedicate their lives to literature.
This level of the mind can be interesting, diverse and open doors to thought that changes lives and enlightens the world. It can lift the veil of darkness that hides the unknown , and widen our boundaries. It saves lives, creates life, and asks the questions that offer the world a alternative future. If it wan’t for this thinking, we would not have womens rights activists, human right missions, justice. Freedom.
However, there is a dark side to this level of thought, one that you will only see once you are too far in to keep your head above water. People become lost, scared and out of control. There becomes to many what ifs, maybe’s and possibilities that nothing is sure anymore. There are no answers and so many doubts.
I call this the grey areas in life. Some people see only black and whites, good and bad, right or wrong. do or Don’t. Those people live and let live. Then there are the people that only see the grey parts in between, the thoughts that linger between.
But I think they are dangerous. I have become so lost in these grey areas that I no longer know who I am. I have lost site of what right is, what wrong is, what I need and what I don’t. There is no stability in this world of thought, there are only shifting forms that haunt and mock you. There is no winning, and nothing is ever Enough. Give me black and white any day. Maybe the yearning for that is what has lead me to surround myself in the colours black and white, a subconcious act to defy all the noise that clouds my mind.
there is madness, illness, tradgedy and genius. But all these things come from a mind, stretched beyond the reaches of rationality and reason. And although they are the fruit of all things new and possible, they are also the poison upon which great minds are destroyed.
In the midst of all this though, there are too more sayings that I think are also true, as contradictory as it seems.
Nullum est responsum, sed solum optiones – There are no answers, only choices.
there are only choices – we choose every day which road we take, where we are heading, even if we are thrown off from time to time, we always have a choice. We just have to learn to make the right ones. We have to chose life.
Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim – Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you. (Ovid)
As painful as everything seems sometimes, I know that without all this pain I would not be the person that I am. I would not be able to help the people that I love and I would have no past. There are so many bad things that come from pain and struggle, but there are also things that you learn along the way that make you a stronger person to face future ills. You just have to learn to treat the pain as something that can be defeated, not something that defines you. as soon as you separate yourself from the pain, you are free to define yourself as whoever it is you want to be.
Vincit qui se vincit – She/he conquers who conquers her/himself.
once we have conquered ourselves, nothing is impossible.